Responsible Adult: let’s break that down; someone with a car, education, then higher education, then even higher education, job that pays more than min wage, a house and nice things (probably married but that’s down the road, this is just what’s expected after college…then again this might be too).

(warning the following is quite scatter-brained)

Fact: you don’t need a BA to prove that you’re intelligent

So what if one is comfortable being a garbage man, a delivery guy, etc. Whatever floats your boat right-who are we to judge?

My mother told me that I had to go to school-just as long as I got a higher education she could say at least I tried. But realistically she wants me to be a successful African American spawn that she can brag about, makes this much money, has this this and this.  

What’s stopping me from stepping off This campus into someone’s car and just going (besides the mass amount of debt that would befall my mother and the fact that I’m a senior)? Cause all I really wanna do is travel, meet people, learn from them-and maybe teach them something in the process, learn humanity, learn the ways of this universe.

I don’t want to fit the mold. I don’t want to be that “Responsible Adult.” It’s no fun, Nietzsche said something like live an authentic life. Today I asked myself, am I living an authentic life?

And my answer was no. I’m fitting the mold, I’m getting my degree at the normal rate, I’m proud that I have two jobs because otherwise I would feel like a failure, I feel like my brain’s melting …Look see! See! It’s filling my life already!   

I’ve been wanting to travel -anywhere just not be stuck. We’re always changing and becoming less of something and more of something else on this journey of life.

TJ, my professor reminded me of something that I often forget: It’s about the journey not the destination, on the journey you meet people, you change, you shift, you’re relationships inform more about you…etc 

…sometimes I don’t want to get up. Because I’m constantly reminded that A) I’m getting old, B) ain’t no stoppin it, C) I have no fuckin idea what I’m gonna do about it, D) I’m always scared. 

Since when did I work so much, since when did I start crying when I hear about gruesome homicides on the news, since when did I have cravings for odd foods like hot cheezits and ranch dressings, since fucking when… 

I had a path, a routine going for me. Listen to good music, meditate, work out, Breathe. Learn. Never stop writing.

Not this year. What is it? Anxiety? Confusion? Is this rush to grow up really hitting me now, just now? I’m the kid that loves tether-ball  misses playing on the swings and wrestling my younger brothers. When did that stop Being.

Here’s the reality; my world is not crashing, the world isn’t crashing, there’s too much shit going on in this world to even be panicking about my mediocre anxieties.  But there’s some wiggle room for that right? 

Here’s the question, you ready for this: Is it possible for me to be a successful AfricanAmerican Indian artist that maintains sympathy for humanity and caters both to art and the good of this world whilst not selling out too…the mold or commercial art?

anything is possible, but we naturally doubt ourselves so easily. It’s always more difficult to see the rainbow to the find the pot of…

first off, we’ve these folk at our place for a few days. I’d come in from class or some junk and be used to seeing them here and this energy of absolute zen or chill. It’s as if all the estrogen on the outside had been calmed as soon as you walk through the door and everything is laxed and just really nice…

that energy left this afternoon and everything feels out of the loop. That energy was so nice that the next couple of days will feel odd and what they hold in store…but the best part of this all is that…it was the first time this year that I haven’t felt anxious. The thought of growing up, being a senior and defining myself to be ready to enter the world has been bothering me. But as of now, not so much. Was it the energy, having someone to tell this to drunkenly, I don’t know, all I know is it’s nice. And life goes on…

Geeeez. The universe works in odd ways…oh and it’s about to be a full moon. Weird shit always happens when there’s a full moon abroad.

We talk about change a lot, or “I wanna do this” or “Things would be better if”…

and of course we know the election is coming in about 42 days, and Obama’s always with the “change” thing. Well, what? 

I though about this theory quite alot, bear with me here. Ubuntu is a primarily African philosophy of being generous-as a human, as a being…as my understanding goes. Which something I wish we could emphasize more in this world. I hate that we are such careless beings who think of oneself majority of the time and having material things which in essence are worth nothing really.

So, quoting from the ohso reliable Wikipedia, here’s a more in depth explanation of Ubuntu: 

“…is an African ethic or humanist philosophy focusing on people’s allegiances and relations with each other. Some believe that ubuntu is a classical African philosophy or worldview whereas others point out that as far as written sources are concerned, the idea that ubuntu is a philosophy or worldview has only been developed in recent years. The word ubuntu has its origins in the Bantu languages of southern Africa.”

This definition was the most intriguing: 

“Ubuntu: “I am what I am because of who we all are.” (From a definition offered by Liberian peace activist Leymah Gbowee.)”

We are all connected as beings, spirits, it’s explained in Buddhism. I was once a cloud, a roach, a deer, a leaf, a being, we’re all connected we’re all made up of similar things.

“A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, based from a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed…

One of the sayings in our country is Ubuntu – the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can’t exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can’t be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality – Ubuntu – you are known for your generosity. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole World. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity…

A traveller through a country would stop at a village and he didn’t have to ask for food or for water. Once he stops, the people give him food, entertain him. That is one aspect of Ubuntu, but it will have various aspects. Ubuntu does not mean that people should not enrich themselves. The question therefore is: Are you going to do so in order to enable the community around you to be able to improve?…

Ubuntu is recognised as being an important source of law within the context of strained or broken relationships amongst individuals or communities and as an aid for providing remedies which contribute towards more mutually acceptable remedies for the parties in such cases. Ubuntu is a concept which:

is to be contrasted with vengeance;

dictates that a high value be placed on the life of a human being;

is inextricably linked to the values of and which places a high premium on dignity, compassion, humaneness and respect for humanity of another;

dictates a shift from confrontation to mediation and conciliation;

dictates good attitudes and shared concern;

favours the re-establishment of harmony in the relationship between parties and that such harmony should restore the dignity of the plaintiff without ruining the defendant;

favours restorative rather than retributive justice;

operates in a direction favouring reconciliation rather than estrangement of disputants;

works towards sensitising a disputant or a defendant in litigation to the hurtful impact of his actions to the other party and towards changing such conduct rather than merely punishing the disputant;

promotes mutual understanding rather than punishment;

favours face-to-face encounters of disputants with a view to facilitating differences being resolved rather than conflict and victory for the most powerful;

favours civility and civilised dialogue premised on mutual tolerance.”

There were times when if a person were travelling they could stop a strangers house and ask for bread, a place to sleep if it were possible and they would be treated as a stranger…notice the change that time has given us? We don’t even acknowledge each other on the street, we walk past thousands of different people daily without the consideration of them being here, or the simple acknowledgment of being. 

Why. Why don’t we care?

Every year towards the end of the summer there’s a thing we have called The Arlington Fair…and almost every year I’ve gone…we all have it’s just a thing. It secretly marks that this is the end of our summer and now we have to get back to the old grind…

Now my friend and I are officially seniors in College, thinkin bout careers, the future, making sure we actually graduate, living situations etc. Haven’t partied in a while cause we work, haven’t done much actually. So we go just cause we want some fried oreos…don’t knock um til you try um. And her sister is talkin to a friend from high school and her friend is telling us that we should stay later cause a fight is gonna go down…between Shanaynay and some other name quite like that one.

It reminded me of high school…fights were rare but when they happened they HAPPENED and surprisingly it was mainly females. Pieces of weave would be left on the floor, fake nails etc and people would grab um up like souvenirs. 

Things haven’t much changed-I just feel like kids have gotten more and more…less. Even my friend’s sister’s generation that just graduated high school-they’re different. The skirts are higher, the outfits more ridiculous, their concerns are ridiculous…

Why were fights such a thing back then and what brought them about I wonder?

Has this ever happened to you…I mean I feel like it’s happened to most of us:

I get on the train. It’s about 5 o’clock in the afternoon, not too hot-pretty chill in fact. Baseball cap, black shorts black tank clinging to my work shirt. And I’m holding onto the pole because most of the seats are taken and I’ve only got a few stops to go, plus some old folk might get on and might wanna sit. 

So I’m standing next to this lady sitting down, and her kid’s in a stroller. I don’t pay her no mind. I’m just thinkin. 

Family’s are chattin, people listenin to music most likely just got off from work ready to go home and kick it. I’m just thinkin, my own thoughts, not botherin nobody.

And the lady. The lady sitting next to me looks over at me. up and down with a glint of disgust in her eye. She notices my shirt, my baseball cap and all black do. perhaps confused at the combination. Her kid is tryna reach over and play with my shirt and she pushes the stroller away somethin violent. When I say violent I mean as if she was savin the kids life from pluckin a poisonous apple or some shit. She doesn’t look again-she pays attention to her kid. 

and I’m just thinkin. 

I look at her. Just a short look. Tryna understand what is it that repulses her so much. 

And it’s been like that all day. I’d just be standin there on the platform or waitin for my bus thinkin-blank face, nothin much to it. And somebody would give me that look. 

But-I shouldn’t be surprised at it. It’s natural. Cause it’s been happenin my whole life. 

I got my own style so I don’t wear common shit, I try to be polite, intelligent sounding, use a calm higher pitched voice when I talk but soft, try to laugh and smile more often…try to be relatable. 

i’m just thinkin…well it’s got me thinkin. what am I doin it for? 

So I was hanging with my friends at the beach and one of them came with me to try and find some food. We really wanted some Boardwalk Fries so we stopped by a Visitor’s Information stand. Now we’re both in or bathing suits. Mine was a Jamaican bikini top and black-boyshort-like bottoms but I’m tiny/skinny so ain’t much hangin out. She had ya know, a nice rack on her and bum. 

So we stop at the stand and this attractive white guy with shades on is talkin to this white dude. And I ask him very politely, in my normal voice, “Hey do you happen to know if there’s a Boardwalk Fries around here or somewhere that we can get fries from?”

And he looks at me and says, “Hm. Gimme a sec. Are you registered to vote in Virginia?”

And I take a moment and say “Yeah.” in the plainest Wtfuck voice, cause at this point we hot and tired and just want some damn fries.

He says, “Are you from around here.”

I’m so caught off guard by his questions that I just blurt out, “Virginia”

And he says, “Brazil.”

“No I’m from the DC, Northern Virginia, Maryland area.” in our terms, the DMV.

He goes, “Oh” and looks down the street, and I think he’s ignoring me or something so I begin to step backwards and he keeps goin “I think there’s a place down there.” 

I say thanks, look at my friend we both are like wtfuck? What was up with that. 

Jerk. Just felt like sharing that lawl. 

-the Imani faith dashiki wearing folk

-Ghetto

-Super Ghetto/Rachet

-Thug

-Pimp

-G; Gangsta

-Hipster

-Oreo

-Erykah Badu Lover (basically the same as the top choice minus the Imani faith)

-Follower of Current trends set down by popular rappers/R&b artists

-Bouji/Booshi (yeah I don’t know how to spell that)

-Awkward

-Nerd

…see where I’m going with this? If you don’t please refer to checked box on your social security card that will give you said answer (haha jk)

So my coworker is an elderly black man from DC works at a food stand…this is his job. He aspires to do nothing more than that. He’s a pain in the ass, brags about working there for five years, always starts confrontations and is lazy. 

At the end of today the 2nd head in charge tells us that we have to wipe down EVERYTHING. And he says this to my coworker and my coworker flips his shit.

“Don’t talk to me man. I’ll do me. I don’t need to do what you’re telling me to do I’ma do me. Ite now back off. The white man always tryna bring me down, the white man…the white man…the white man…”

You get where I’m going with this right?

I hate it when Black Folk bring up “The Man.” The Man controls everything, we are being “hoodwinked and swindled” as the saying goes constantly. You wanna “fight” The Man? Leave the country and don’t come back. Or join a commune that doesn’t give a fuck about the government or the country…either way shutup. “The Man” isn’t the white dude telling us what we need to do in the workplace as he is second in charge…at the end of the day, we are all racist but to what extremes.

If you call my mother and you reach her voicemail, it’s a voice she likes to call her “Susie Cream Cheese” voice. Which in other words means, a White woman’s voice. People get confused when they meet her because they expected a white woman. (She only uses it in professional situations as do I)

When I’m at work, I’m not in the most flattering of outfits but I try to make it work. Straightening my hair makes it a lot easier to put on my hat and it fits me in more I’ve noticed (though I know this is selling out and I feel horrible after-the fact…but shit I make Good tips). I generally also use a “Susie Cream Cheese” voice. It is one of the most useful techniques I’ve used. I make more tips, I get more politeness from customers and just being plain nice always works just as well.

Last year when I worked in a different area-our manager paid more attention to my white friend, he clearly had his favorite. The Star Spangled Banner was playing and usually I still serve customers but more quietly and if they too are being patriotic then I wait…but I don’t pay attention to it. I was getting ready to pull out a hot dog for a customer and my boss told me in the sternest voice “Put that down.” And after it was over he said “Don’t you ever do that again.”

I’m young, black, opinionated and am not favorable of this country or government considering it’s corrupt, useless, unrepresentative bullshit. His elitist patriotic ass wanted me to be a part of showing respect to this country? No I’m sorry. In high school when we’re supposed to do the pledge of allegiance, half the time I tried to sit down and not pay attention to it.

Between both races, we have different feelings about this country…which brings me to white privilege…whereas we have not that much privilege…I don’t give a fuck. I really wish I told him to fuck off after I’d left to go back to campus.